The Break Up
We said we would be together for ever. But forever is a figment of my imagination.
This is probably one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. I’ve played over scenarios in my head for about 6 weeks now, it hurts but I have to do this for my sanity.
Our relationship was perfect! We use to be #outside, long drives in the country, beach dates. Movies and fancy dinners. You went overseas and came back and things changed.
I started getting messages from people in China, Spain and Italy. Telling me about your exploits. I closed my eyes and said “ I forgive you” it’s okay what’s done in Vegas stays in Vegas, but the problem was, it didn’t stay there. The things you did there soon spread like the wildfires in Australia and from New York to south Beach, you were “ doing the most” and living your best life! The news got back to me how you were just spreading yourself all over.
It was sometime in March when you came to Barbados. You came and things changed between us: Beach dates -done! Shopping trips- done! Socializing with my friends- done ! You were controlling my life, you forbade me to get my hair, nails and lashes done and our romantic dinner dates. Replaced with meals at home.
To me, this relationship changed from where I was your walking trophy to that dirty cracked pot that you hid in the corner. You seemed ashamed of me.
My days and nights all started to merge into one, I would wake up. Stare at the walls, eat, sleep and repeat. My birthday came and went with no fanfare, you didn’t even buy me get a cake- since that was non essential.
I often sit and think about days gone by but I must realize and admit that this dreadful reality is now my new normal. I am a changed person and I know the year 2020 will be spoken about for a while.
How do you change from being so in love with someone. Wishing that you could spend the rest of my days with you, to disliking you, feeling the blood pump and the tension rush yo my head. I feel my face contort into a snarl when I hear your name. I hate this feeling. I hate you and what you made me become.
You know what the worse part is? You started hurting my friends. I’m not sure if you were using it as a tactic to get back at me. Even up to today you spread your horrible, destructive wings upon someone else. 85 people you’ve hurt. And ended the lives of 7. Who is capable of causing so much harm. Why would you want to do this?
The emotional turmoil is overwhelming. I can’t talk to anyone, I long for my mother to nestle me in her arms, stroke my hair and tell me everything will be fine. As my tears flow freely.. You have isolated me from everyone and everything. You are ruining my life!! Even going to work is a risk I take now, I’m always watching over my shoulder hoping and praying that you will just leave me alone.